1 + 6 + 6 + 9 + 6 + Halloween + Adoption Awareness Month + Thanksgiving = 1 Happy McGinnis Party of Five

1 year anniversary of Emma's referral - October 4, 2013
6 months since Gotcha Day - April 14, 2014
6 years old - Aidan celebrates his 6th birthday - October 14, 2008
9 years old - Ian celebrates his 9th birthday - October 21, 2005
6 months home - April 26, 2014


McGinnis Party of Five - official first family photo shoot

1 year anniversary of Emma's Referral - October 4, 2013
It's been 365 days since we saw our daughter's face for the very first time.  She was a stranger, but she was so familiar.  I knew the instant I saw her sweet face that she was the daughter who would complete our family.  We spent the next few days reviewing her referral file, staring at her photo and discussing any medical concerns with an international adoption pediatrician.  She was our daughter.  She was perfect.  She was our little secret.

In that moment we turned from anxious and waiting to glowing and expecting. 

Unfortunately, the feeling of triumphant joy melted quickly back to anxious waiting.  We've made it no secret that our adoption journey until that point had been a struggle - nearly 18 months into the process with an agency that we did not trust completely and we'd never even seen a child's file.  Through a series of God-ordained events, we found our way to a new agency.  After an internet search of waiting children files posted on their website, an innocent inquiry of a posted child and a kind response from this new agency, Brian and I knew we were being led directly to the new agency - a breath of fresh air, a warm embrace, willing to accept us and ready to match us to our child.    We did everything by the book with the new agency - completed their application, waited for their approval, shared the struggle we'd endured to arrive at this place 18 months in with no hope of a match, received approval, had a phone interview on Tuesday and on Friday, October 4, we received the phone call we'd longed to receive for so many months.  They had a file to review - a referral!  By Tuesday morning, I'd made the call that we'd like to submit our letter of intent.  It was a little tricky now as we were logged in under the original agency.  I acquired the form letter for our old agency to sign and submit to China to release our dossier for transfer to a new agency.  And then I made the call to request this transfer from the old agency to the new agency - this is the point in the story that the "struggle" of time waiting previously seemed like a cute little cupcake compared to what was about to happen.  To say the old agency was rude would be an understatement.  They'd "need to decide IF they could allow" us to transfer to another agency to match with our daughter.  For nearly two weeks, we experienced horrible treatment from the old agency as they played god with our family's life - unreturned phone calls, lack of responsiveness to emails and the time sensitive nature of our request and blatant refusals to speak to us directly about our situation all the while maintaining that they had the right to refuse our transfer request.  Finally on October 17, 2013 (the 15th anniversary of the day Brian proposed to me), we took part in a conference call between the two adoption agencies.  Our request had been granted to transfer from the old agency to the new agency.

Here we are one year later - October 17, 2014

Fast-forward about 4 weeks until the week prior to Thanksgiving - and our file transfer in China was finally complete - almost two months since we'd seen our sweet girl's face for the first time.  Our process to Emma really began at that point - with a new log in date with China and a pre-approval to adopt Emma.  We really made up some ground at this point - officially being linked to Emma in late November and traveling to China in early April - practically unheard of in the adoption community unless a medical expedite is involved.

Celebrating Emma's referral anniversary will always be stained by the memories of what a struggle those weeks following were for our family.  What should have been weeks filled with joy and paperwork (you can never forget the paperwork) turned into weeks of anxious waiting, tears, sickness, discussions of seeking legal counsel and delays.

Remembering those weeks helps me to appreciate even more the blessing that Emma is to our family.  I had a Calculus teacher in high school who often said, "Nothing difficult is ever easy."  There's so much truth in that sarcastic, southern man's advice - if it's worth having, it's certainly worth struggling to achieve.  Our struggle was real.  We don't have one regret - Emma was our daughter a year ago - we knew it - we fought for her - and we'd do it all over again to know the joy of our completed family!

6 months since Gotcha Day - April 14, 2014 & 6 months home - April 26, 2014

What an amazing day!  I will never forgot how she felt in my arms that first moment - how she just fit, her tiny little frame timidly resting in my arms.  She was so small and unsure, but she was curious.  And she could eat - she ate anything we offered her.  She was instantly attached to me, interested in the boys and only ok with Brian if he had food and helped her with her shoes and socks.

When someone asks how things are going, my general response is "She eats well.  She sleeps great.  And she likes us."  I usually get a laugh at the "she likes us" part.  But it's true.  I'm not going to lie - I've read a blog post (or twenty) about how the newly adopted child is not well attached and does not seem to like the family.  I'm so thankful that she eats well, sleeps well and seems to like us!  ;)

She's still Mommy's girl (you should hear her say "Mommy's girl" - so cute), but now she's Daddy's girl, Ian's girl and Aidan's girl too.  The first things she asks in the morning - after asking for a "hairbow matches" of course - are "Ian school?", "Aidan school?", and "Daddy work?"

She's a chatterbox - she knows so many words and the correct use of the words.  I'm completely amazed at how well she interacts with us and she's only be in an English speaking family for 6 months.  Her receptive language is amazing - there are not many words I say to her that I think she does not understand.  And her vocabulary has been growing exponentially since July - around 2 months home.  My personal favorites are "appletoss" for applesauce, "opotus" for octopus and "Tinkertail" for Tinkerbell.  Two year olds are absolute sponges when it comes to learning new things - since she was just 26 months old when we arrived home, she's been absorbing everything!

She ate like a champ when we first arrived home.  She'd eat anything we placed in front of her.  She'd clean her plate every time.  As the months have passed, she's learned to be more selective about what she eats.  You know your adopted child's food insecurities have nearly disappeared when she's comfortable enough now to actually refuse food.  If she doesn't want it or doesn't like it, she won't eat it (much like her brothers) - she feels comfortable enough with us now that she KNOWS that we will feed her something else if she's hungry.  What progress for such a little girl!  She trusts us.

She sleeps like a baby - and I mean it - she sleeps about as many hours as a small baby would sleep each day.  She sleeps around 12 hours each night and then naps around 3-4 hours each afternoon.  I've only been up with her during the night once since our Gotcha Day - she's a terrific sleeper! 

And she's grown!  During our first pediatric visit in May, she was 22.5 lbs and was 32.75 inches tall.  Just last week, Emma weighed 25 lbs and was 35.5 inches tall.  Almost 3 inches gained in height and about 2.5 lbs in the 6 months we've been home.  She's still a tiny little thing - she's less than 10th percentile on the growth charts - and she's perhaps the skinniest, leanest baby I've ever had.  But she fits right in - the other McGinnis children are certainly not giants these days - Aidan's around 12th percentile and Ian's around 25 percentile.

Attachment is such an important topic in the international adoption community.  One of my greatest concerns about adopting Emma was if she would and how quickly she'd attach and bond with us.  My concerns are minimal at this point in our life.  She knows we are her people.  If she needs something, she comes to me or Brian to meet her need. 

As much as we were the poster family for all the problems that can happen during an international adoption process, we could be the poster family for an ideal transition post adoption.  I'll take that trade off ANY DAY.  Please don't misunderstand - McGinnis Party of Five is not a picture perfect, sunshine and roses family.  Some days we are a hot mess - like lock-us-in-the-house, close-the-blinds, put-a-fork-in-us-because-we-are-done HOT MESS.  But most days we have our act together.  And please, for the love of all things good and holy, don't ring the doorbell or call a phone that could potentially ring in Emma's general area - the tiny child will try to scale my body.  And don't honk your train horn or drive your noisy car near my house, and please talk to the birds outside my breakfast room and tell them to stop chirping because they FREAK Emma out!  And if you visit my home - pretty much any day at any time - you will likely find a goldfish massacre on my breakfast room floor - or it could be cereals that have the unfortunate luck of not being the magically delicious marshmallows in the bowl - or a spoonful of grits or yogurt that somehow missed her mouth, didn't touch her bib, fell through the leg hole of her high chair and landed with an enormous splat on the floor.  When I say she tosses food and I clean the floor about 12 times a day, I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.

6 years old - Aidan celebrates his 6th birthday - October 14, 2008

Our little boy is 6!  He is kind, amazingly funny, fiercely independent, gentle with his sister, has eyelashes most women could only hope to have, still has the cutest little peanut face and loves Favorite Monkey more than humanly possible.  He'll always be our baby boy - he's growing too quickly!  He's a terrific big brother - there might have been some small jealousy issues when we were first home - I can't rightly say, but we might have heard once or twice, "I wish we'd never gone to China for a baby sister."  I'm certainly glad we've only heard that a couple times - and that's far outweighed by the countless times he wants to kiss her goodnight or be the first in her room in the morning or following naptime.  He's done really well transitioning to his role as big brother after he was the baby for 5.5 years!  Aidan is in Kindergarten, doing very well and was voted Student of the Month for Responsibility.

9 years old - Ian celebrates his 9th birthday - October 21, 2005

Our first baby is 9!  He is a sweet friend, tenderhearted, still loves to snuggle (even though he's nearly as tall as his mommy), has the cutest chunky cheeks, absolutely understands sarcasm and loves Emma more than I could have imagined.  I remember his birth day like it was yesterday - it's difficult to believe he's growing up right before our eyes.  Ian is in 3rd grade, loves soccer and scored the tournament winning penalty kick.

Halloween 2014

We had some of the cutest Kung Fu guys and an adorable Chinese princess for Halloween this year.  Emma didn't really know what to make of the whole deal - dressing up, trick or treating - but she knew what to do with some candy.  She's definitely Brian's daughter when it comes to chocolate and candy!

Emma had her first haircut with us on Halloween also.  She looks like a sweet little doll.  She did a pretty good job with the first haircut - she was a bit apprehensive, but she pulled it together and luckily, Mrs. Jennifer is adaptable - she sat on my lap backwards and watched an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Excellent work Jennifer!

Here are our before and after photos:

Adoption Awareness Month - November

We participated in Orphan Sunday at our church earlier this month.  We spoke briefly about how adoption has changed our family and our biggest struggles and rewards.  We celebrate that Emma is an orphan no more - she's a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend - her beginning as an orphan will not define her life.

We were asked to respond to these questions:

What difference has adoption made in your family?
- We've experienced typical changes and transitions of adding a child to our family.  Immediately we knew we needed a larger car and quickly realized we are outnumbered!  Of course, fast-forwarding straight to a 2 year old means I clean the floor multiple times a day because baby girl likes to throw food.
-  We've gained an appreciation for Emma's country of origin - the language, culture and heritage.
-  Our family now has a much larger world view - our boys would never have had the opportunity to personally understand the plight of so many orphans worldwide had we not adopted internationally and visited Emma's orphanage.  Ian and Aidan don't just see the world as their school and home in Belmont and their church in Gastonia - they've looked into the faces of orphans and understand better the privileges they have been afforded.
-  Adoption completed our family and changed Emma's world along with our entire family.

What has been the biggest challenge and reward?
-  Challenge - The process and the waiting have been our greatest challenge.  We endured two years of paperwork, waiting and ultimately switching adoption agencies - most families we know have had a 12-15 month process from starting their process until traveling.  Our struggle was real - it was an emotionally painful process filled with many unknowns.  We were "paper pregnant" (as the adoption community refers to the process of preparing your paperwork and waiting until travel) for 97 weeks!
-  Reward - But our reward was great - and she calls us mommy and daddy.  For as much as Emma needed a family - a warm embrace from mommy, a piggyback ride from daddy, a safe home, a lifetime of love and security - we needed to follow this path to meet the child God created to complete our family.

Anything else someone considering adoption should know?
- There's not one right reason to adopt - each family's past experiences bring them to the point in their lives where they feel called to add to their family through adoption:
     - infertility
     - foster care
     - starting again because you still have love to share
     - fulfilling a mission to change the world of a child
-  The end result is the most important - a child finding the love of a family.
-  You might be fearful of
     - where the money will come from
     - how this will change your family dynamic
     - there will be a "difference" - if you adopt internationally, there will be questions, disapproving    stares, unsolicited comments
-  You only need the courage to follow your heart - God will make a way - He'll make room in your heart, room in your home and He'll prepare a child and their family for each other.  If you have a love like that, you'll have a love worth crossing oceans.

Thanksgiving 2014

On this weekend of celebrating our first Thanksgiving as McGinnis Party of Five, I couldn't be more thankful for how adoption has changed our family.  Emma completes our family in a way I never realized we were incomplete.  She knows we're her people - we love her unconditionally, whole-heartedly, protectively - she is ours and we are hers.

And because she's MY child - she's has the cutest Thanksgiving outfit her mommy made - turkey pants and a matching turkey shirt!

As Christmas approaches, we are excited to see what this season holds for Emma's first Christmas with our family - with HER family!  She's already been wearing her seasonal attire!  And she's FINALLY learning to smile for a photo!!

The Daddy Diary - Day One

* * * Now that we've been home for almost 3 months - we are reviewing our unpublished blog posts from China and adding in the photos.  And we are FINALLY ready to post some more about our trip.  The next few blog posts will be from "The Daddy Diary" - the electronic journal Brian wrote of our experiences in China.  We will link you back to the posts I wrote to remind you of my perspective of our journey.  Once we've had the opportunity to catch up The Daddy Diary with our other blog posts while in China, we will begin posting both of our journals from each day's events.  I hope you enjoy reading about how our love crossed oceans to complete our family. * * *

Here's the first post I wrote about our travel to Beijing:
http://mcginnispartyoffive.blogspot.com/2014/04/we-left-on-jet-plane-or-two-wednesday.html

The Daddy Diary - Day One

     And just like that, we started our journey to pick up our little daughter and little sister, Emma. We didn't get to bed early as we had planned. The problems with sorting our clothes among suitcases presented a dilemma. We had more clothes and less weight allowance for free. It was an interesting dilemma. Our American carrier, United, would allow us a lot more weight than we had in our suitcases. But we knew that traveling on the domestic flights in China had a weight restriction of forty-four (44) pounds. 

     Therefore, we decided to keep our weight to forty-four (44) pounds and add an additional suitcase. We were only allowed four free suitcases. One for each of us, Brian, Shannon, Ian and Aidan. The fifth would cost, we just didn't know how much. And we wouldn't know how much until we arrived at the airport (too late to be able to turn back and make a different decision).

     We found out soon enough. We packed five suitcases for checking. We had four carry-ons and a personal item for each of us. Lately airlines have been really good about charging extra fees. It’s practically made them more financially solvent than they were before. The fifth checked bag was an even $100. But it was worth it to have a smooth flight and plenty of items for us in China. Plus, we would not have to pay on the way back to the United States because Emma would be allowed a checked bag.

     We made it to the airport and had no line getting our boarding passes. We sped through the TSA checkpoint. The only thing that slowed us down was liquid medication packed in a carry-on. Band-Aid antiseptic wash and liquid milk-of-magnesia might have been thrown away at the check-point if it had not been for the story of our adoption that Shannon relayed to the TSA agent.

  

     The flight was comparatively short. The two hour flight was on a small plane. Although we asked for our seats to be side-by-side (or at least where one adult could sit with one child), the seats assigned to us were not side-by-side. Two kind gentleman made way for me to sit across the “aisle,” keeping a watchful eye on Aidan. One man even had a bum knee from being in the military and wanted the aisle seat. But he gave it up for our little 5 year-old Aidan.

  

     The person I sat beside was from the Lenoir area. He was taking students to Wisconsin on an exchange program for a short four-day visit. His wife taught at Catawba Valley Community College, down the road from Catawba Valley Medical Center, where I work.

     We made it to our destination in Chicago for the three-hour layover there. We quickly found a bathroom and while Shannon and the boys were waiting for me. They were approached by a family who had read our blog who was also adopting from China. Although they used a different agency, we would be Beijing bound on the same flight.

     Restless children being what they may, the boys were quickly hungry. A McDonald’s was a short walk away. I knew that would be their destination. The boys got their typical 4-piece and 6-piece chicken McNuggets, while mommy and daddy kept to a grilled chicken sandwich. We ate sitting in the concourse seats across from the McDonald’s and we polished off our meal and left for our gate with plenty of time to spare. 

     We also timed it just right. The person just came out of the employee walkway and she went directly to the podium to begin checking passports and boarding passes. We were second in line with a lot (I mean a whole lot) of people behind us. While some people who spoke Chinese were accustomed to our line system, the United agent was quick to tell them to go to the end of the line. When she realized they did not speak English, she would speak more loudly in an attempt to break the language barrier.

     At one point, I felt bad for an older lady and decided it was time to begin using my Chinese language skills. I asked her in Chinese if she could speak English and her reply was “No.” Then I was at a loss because I had not prepared for the moment to have to tell someone in Chinese to go to the end of the line.

     But eventually we received our boarding passes and got ready for our journey overseas. We met one lady who could speak Chinese and English. When I said “Nin hao” to an elderly gentleman she took the time to speak to us in English about China and the Chinese language. She seemed to be focusing on Aidan and was particularly impressed with China’s pandas. 

     Now, we are on the plane and it does seem to be taking forever. We quickly flew into Canada and we could see the snow on the ground. We will fly over the North Pole next (or at least closer to it than Alaska). According to the flight computer we have traveled 2,099 miles and are over the northern part of Canada. Just a little over 3,000 miles left to fly. Our ground speed is 544 mph. Our altitude is 34,001 feet. We have eight hours and 53 minutes left in the flight. The outside air temperature is -62 degrees Fahrenheit. Yes, that’s right a negative number.

     But, it’s warm in here and Aidan is ready to start playing games on the monitor on the back of the seat in front of him. Anything to keep him busy.

     We then arrived in Beijing’s airport. Surprisingly that part of the airport was pretty empty. We sped by the equipment that  quickly tests your temperature. I don’t know what happens if you have a fever and I didn't want to find out. We used the restroom and followed the crowd. Now we knew why it was not busy. We had to take a light rail train to another area of the airport to claim our luggage.

     But it was all there. Thank goodness! Another couple we met who was adopting and was on the flight said they seemed to have lost their luggage. We had to quickly move on so we may never find out the ending to that story.

     We made our way to the next gate area. There we spotted a friendly sign. Our last name! And it was Helen, our guide, who was holding it. So she led us through the crowd quickly to our van that would be taking us to our hotel.

     The trip was sort of uneventful. However, it was rush hour on a Wednesday. Not exactly the place you want to be at that time. However, we had no choice but to wait it out.

     Helen ordered us take out and had it to delivered to our room. It was actually ready before we got there. We briefly bought some bottled water and we were good to go. 

     So we made it to our hotel, exchanged some money, and then off to our rooms for some sleep. Except it was too early. We had to wait about five more hours until bedtime.

     The pizza tasted good and gave us what we needed before we hit the sack. Hopefully, since we had not slept on the way, we would sleep restfully. However, that was not the case.

Our Daughter for 6 weeks - Home for 4 weeks (Monday, May 26, 2014)

Friday, May 23 - A monumental day at the McGinnis home for Emma - the first time she went to sleep without whining for even a second!  Her typical sleep habits have been that when I put her in her pack and play that she makes her self-soothing whine for a few minutes. Over the 6 weeks we've been together, I've wondered how long that unhappiness at bed time might last - when would she realize that EVERY time I put her to bed that I will return for her, when would she be comfortable enough with us that she could relax when it was time for bed?  Thankfully - she reached that point this weekend. She is amazing and trusting and happy.  We are the luckiest parents in the world!

During the adoption process, through all the training, reading other blogs of adoptive parents, I've often wondered when she would feel like my daughter.  There was never any question about my love for her, but when would I feel bonded to her the way I felt bonded to Ian and Aidan the moment each was placed in my arms after their birth.  Would I feel like I was babysitting someone's child, would it be months before we felt comfortable together?

I'm happy to report that I felt connected to Emma the moment she was placed in my arms. I looked at her with the same awe I had with Ian and Aidan. There was never a minute that I've felt like I was just babysitting. God provided a heart connection for this mommy even though we missed out on her first two years.

Of course I was concerned about how I would feel with Emma, but another concern was how she'd feel towards us.  Would she just think I was another nanny?  Would she just go through the motions of our daily life and not experience our new family?  We are so thankful there is so much evidence of her connection to us.

- She chooses me when she has a need - food, water, diaper change, comfort, protection, affection.
- Emma's tiny 22lb frame rests comfortably in my arms.
- She's the BEST hand holder around - her little hand fits perfectly in my hand.
- When we'd been home about a week, she began to give kisses - she grabs my face/head and kisses me - right on the lips - sometimes with her teeth touching my lips.  (We will need to teach her before she's 30 and allowed to date that teeth really shouldn't be used as your primary method of kissing or the boys will think she's a vampire!)

- When she's sitting face to face on my lap, she snuggles right into my chest - her sweet little ear pressed against my chest listening to my heart beat.  Her little arms and hands tucked under my arms hugging my sides.  Emma's silky, black hair tickling my face as her head fits right under my chin.  She absolutely understands and desires the affection of her mother.

- Many times during the day, she will run over to me and just smell me.  Emma will grab my hand and just breathe me in.  Sometimes she smells my clothes and other times she smells my hair.  Oh be still my heart - that baby girl loves the way her mommy smells.
- As we wait in the car line for Ian and each day, she watches and squeals with excitement as soon as she catches a glimpse of one of them. She has the biggest smile on her face for the ride home.

- When Brian arrives home, his baby girl canNOT get to him fast enough.  She runs right into his arms.  Her daddy is home.

I'm not sure why I doubted the connection we'd feel to one another - we serve a great big God and He makes a way for everything.

Take a look at this little cutie!

                   Saturday                                                      Tuesday

Emotionally, expecting Emma was so different than expecting Ian and Aidan.  I was excited and emotional with each pregnancy and arrival.  I think adoption has been different because it's not just a story of expectation and a joyous welcome.  It's a story of survival and redemption.  A child who had no one and suddenly she has a mommy and daddy and brothers and family and friends that she could never imagine.  I can say now that I'm so thankful God planned to complete our family with Emma joining our family through adoption because it has been just as amazing as how Ian and Aidan joined our family.

Happy Mother's Day - One Month Since Gotcha Day (May 14, 2014)

"You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like, a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for, but I'd like to believe, if I ever were to feel it, that I'd have the courage to seize it."   - Letters to Juliet

Happy Mother's Day!  What a joy to celebrate this Mother's Day weekend - our love crossed oceans to meet Emma, and we are so thankful to be home with our three children.

With all the events that have taken place in the last month, I've been thinking a lot about how adoption and pregnancy are not much different.  You see - I can accurately make this statement because we've experienced pregnancy twice and have now added to our family through the process of adoption. 

- The Waiting - If you've experienced any fertility issues, you understand how each month the most difficult part is the waiting.  Waiting to see if your efforts were successful, did the medication help, was the procedure effective, waiting for the next month to try again.  Always waiting.  There have been many months of waiting that have occurred in this household - 65 months - almost 5.5 years.  That's over 1/3 of our years of marriage - that's right people - our 15th wedding anniversary is just around the corner (May 29).  International adoption is no different - we waited 22.5 months since we began our adoption process.  Waiting for SBI clearances, home study reports to be drafted, USCIS approvals, documents to be sent to China, and the most dreaded wait - month after month - will we be called this month with a referral?

- The Morning All Day Sickness - In both pregnancies, I experienced some serious all day sickness - nausea and vomiting is no joke - especially to the woman who'd rather eat her arm than vomit.  Twenty weeks - yes, 20 weeks - I was 10 shades of green (much different than 50 shades of grey) for most hours of every day for 20 weeks.  I endured the one sided conversations from women who "never felt better than when they were pregnant", did not gain one pound until 21 weeks and felt like a garbage disposal installed on the drain in the master shower would have been a great investment as I managed to vomit on my feet while showering for work more times than I'd like to remember.  So I thought a perk to growing our family through adoption would be the avoidance of morning sickness.  It's funny how things work out - there were a couple weeks in October that I felt physically ill - nauseous all day, losing weight, anxious for what was happening with our family.  And it returned again as soon as we began waiting for our Travel Approval until Emma was with us.  All the anxiety that goes along with preparing your family of four to travel 8000 miles away for 2.5 weeks to another country to become a family of five.  It's entirely possible to travel and dine out daily for every meal for 2.5 weeks and find that you've lost weight upon your return to the USA.  That person who said you can't lose weight and eat McDonald's every day was not adopting internationally!  Our third child did not arrive in our family without at least a few weeks of all day sickness.  :) 

- The Secret - I remember the days vividly when we discovered we were expecting Ian and Aidan - pure joy - finally, the long-awaited desire for our family being fulfilled.  I think part of the joy was that only Brian and I knew there was new life growing inside my body - it was nice to have our little secret.  And we kept our secrets until we were sure there was little chance of complications - or when you are five feet, two inches tall and have a VERY short torso - you wait until you can't hide your growing uterus any longer!  We waited until we'd had an ultrasound and heard the precious heartbeats.  We knew we'd been granted a special gift from God.  And those first few weeks of protecting our secret are sweet memories for me.  In adoption, I didn't think we'd have a secret to keep.  We've been fairly open about our adoption - we were adopting from China, a younger girl, 0-2 years old, with a minor medical need.  There's no mystery - we shared our news almost a year and a half ago in our Christmas card and the start of this blog.  Keeping a secret, protecting our hearts, making sure there was little chance of complications - our actions look different in adoption, but it's really the same idea. 

It's been special to know who our daughter is, to look at her sweet face, to love her and protect her, to let her be our secret for the same amount of time our boys were secrets growing in my belly.  We had about seven weeks of paperwork and waiting once we were introduced (on paper) to our daughter to keep her a secret - on Friday, October 4, 2013 at 12:33pm, the sweet voice of our international social worker was on the phone.  "We have a referral we'd like you to review.  Can I tell you a little about her?  She's 19 months old, she lives in blah-blah province, at so-and-so orphanage, she's just been made available for adoption, her special need is 'growth delay' - she's tiny and adorable."  The next 11 minutes felt like an eternity until the email arrived with all the documents and a couple photos.  To look into the face of a child and know she was the daughter God intended for our family - every moment of waiting, every heartbreak - it's all worth it.  What a difference a day makes.   

- The Nesting - Just before Thanksgiving, we began the preparations of changing our guest room into our daughter's room.  To see the guest room furniture removed from that room - nearly nine years in our house - always a guest room, and in one afternoon the room became a blank canvas for our newest addition!  Until after Christmas, her daybed and trundle were in her room - minus the mattresses - her new girly chandelier sat in a box waiting to be hung.  Mimi took a trip to IKEA with me and the boys to purchase bookcases to be installed in her closet.  And Papa helped secure the cases and cut and hang the closet rods.  I can't rightly say, but there may have been some clothes and shoes and dolls placed in her closet right away.  ;)

- The Sleepless Nights - Oh the sleepless nights!  With the boys' pregnancies, the sleepless nights were different with each trimester:  trimester 1 - nausea and frequent trips to the bathroom, trimester 2 - more frequent trips to the bathroom, trimester 3 - heartburn that makes you vomit in the middle of the night, even more trips to the bathroom (let's face it - I should have set up my bed in the bathroom) and with the ability to grow giants in such a small body it made it nearly impossible to rest comfortably.  I remember specifically measuring 40 weeks when Aidan was only 34 weeks gestation - there's no exaggeration when I tell you I grew giant babies!  Brian was fairly certain I had an alien growing inside my abdomen - there was no way that belly could house a human baby! 

I didn't expect the same sort of sleepless nights during our adoption process - seriously, I was NOT growing a 22 lb two year old inside my body - I should be able to sleep, right?  There were many, many sleepless nights - nights of worry and wonder, of hope and despair.  The sleepless nights really changed the night before we left for China.  I was exhausted trying to pack, finally fell into bed around 11:30pm and went to sleep.  ONLY to wake around 1am feeling like it was 6am and we needed to be on our way to the airport!  I forced myself to stay in the bed to rest even if I couln't sleep - I knew the next 24 hours of traveling would be brutal.  Luckily, Brian was sleeping (or not sleeping) about as well as me.  We finally got up around 4am to start our final preparations for our flights.  I had the same sleepless night experiences - sleeping only for a couple hours but thinking it had been many hours - for the first portion of our China trip - until Emma joined our family.

- The Labor & Delivery - Although I was never officially in labor with Ian or Aidan, I did endure Braxton-Hicks contractions for about 12 weeks with each of them.  Since I grow giant babies, I had scheduled C-sections with both boys. 

Ian's C-section was a traumatic experience - we had an appointment scheduled on Friday, October 21, 2005.  We arrived, I was prepped and surgery began.  I felt lots of pain - not pressure - actual, real pain.  It was quickly discovered that the spinal block had not worked perfectly and I could feel the OB cutting open my abdomen and uterus.  They hurried to get Ian out so they could give me some additional medication to relieve the pain.  Ian's birth was not the experience I'd planned in my mind.  I don't remember much of the next four hours as I was in and out of consciousness.  But he was perfect - and perfectly large eight days before his due date.  Ian Joseph McGinnis was born and weighed 9 lbs.  His birth was a painful experience, but worth every moment to share our lives with a fantastic boy!  Here's the last photo before I became a mother, Ian's first official photo and our first family photo (don't look too closely - I was drugged up at that point and Brian and I look so very young in that photo)!

Aidan's birth was scheduled very early the morning of Tuesday, October 14, 2008.  I was very nervous about this surgery as Ian's C-section had not been ideal.  As we discussed the issues of the first delivery with the anesthesiologist, I grew very concerned I'd have the same experience.  I was not sure he completely understood the situation as he was a middle-aged Asian man who spoke to us in broken English.  His last words to me before the surgery - "You not worry - I take care of you."  I was worried.  Thankfully he took great care of me and this experience was infinitely better in a surgical sense than Ian's birth experience.  I chatted with my OB while she performed the surgery.  And a second perfect boy was born and weighed 9 lbs, 5 oz.  Aidan Ashe McGinnis was the perfect addition to our family.  Here's the last photo before I became a mother again, Aidan's first big cheek photo and our first family of four photo.

Emma's birth story has many missing pieces.  She was born on Tuesday, February 28, 2012.  We don't know the time, the circumstances or any of her birth statistics.  In fact, we will never know any details of her life prior to the orphanage, and we know very little about her life at the orphanage.  Our process to bring Emma home is more painful emotionally than physically.  Months of waiting, stacks of paperwork, so many unknowns.  Our pregnancy was LONG - when we finally met Emma I'd been "paper pregnant" for about 97 weeks - about the gestational length for an elephant!  Our labor took place as a family on an extremely long flight from NC to Chicago to China - nearly 8000 miles.  The delivery was so painful for all our hearts.  And our postpartum experience played out in hotels in Chongqing, Guangzhou and Hong Kong in China for 2 weeks and culminated in another 8000 mile flight to return to the USA.  Emma's story is different, but I would not change a single moment.  I'm her mother and she's my daughter - we had an instant connection - just like the connection I felt with Ian and Aidan.  God is really amazing.  Here's the last photo before I became Emma's mother, our last family of four photo and our first McGinnis Party of Five photo.

 

 

So on this day before Mother's Day 2014, I want to celebrate Emma's birth mother and orphanage nannies. 

Our sweet baby girl entered this world in less than ideal circumstances - we know this because one month, 4 weeks, just 29 days after she entered this world she was abandoned.  As a mother, I can't imagine the anguish Emma's birth mother felt as she carried Emma during pregnancy, cared for her each day and had to make the decision to abandon her.  Wow - what a sacrifice she made for Emma's well-being.  It's our understanding that most children have been abandoned not because they are unloved - just the opposite is true - but because their biological parents can't care for them and certainly can't afford to provide extensive medical care if they should need it.  We will always remember Emma's birthmother - we will celebrate the life she gave Emma - especially when she lived in a culture that has no hesitation about having abortions for unwanted or unplanned pregnancies.  She chose life for our child - and we couldn't be more thankful.  Each year on Emma's birthday we will pray that her birthmother has peace in her heart to know that her daughter is now our daughter - and that she will be loved and protected forever.

We saw the spot where she was found on that day in late March - God protected her from the hustle and bustle of the city traffic of more than 32 million people and He allowed someone to find her and bring her to safety.  She was cared for by the orphanage nannies in our absence for more than two years.  Her special nanny was the nearest person to a mother that Emma knew before we met.  I'm so thankful for the bond she had with Emma - it's made our transition so much easier.

I saw this passage just a few weeks before we traveled to China - there are so many truths in it - Emma's a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend.  She is loved more than she can comprehend.

"There is a little girl on the other side of the world waiting in an orphanage.  She has never had a bed or clothes of her own.  She knows nothing of American affluence or Jesus or ballet or swimming pools.  No one woke her up on her birthday with special pancakes or celebrated her with smiles illuminated by flickering candles.  To be honest, no one is really quite sure when her birthday was.  She doesn't know it yet, but there is a family across the planet who is making a way for her.  It is going to cost them all they have, but all they know is God has somehow made room in their hearts, their home, and their family just for her.  A forgotten little orphan will become a daughter, sister, cousin, and friend over night.  For the first time, she will begin to see what it means to be a child of the One True God.  And that family will know a peace and joy that no money can buy."  unknown author

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Our Adoption is Official - Emma Reid McGinnis (Tuesday, April 15, 2014)

We woke this morning with a hungry family.  We dressed for the day, went downstairs for breakfast, met Michael to be shown around the area a little and prepared to return to the adoption offices to finalize our adoption of Emma.

We had a little meltdown when it was nap time.  Emma might have a little of that spicy Chongqing attitude I've heard about.  Baby sister can throw a fit!  After her total meltdown, she finally decided she could take a nap. When she woke up, she was herself again - calm and happy.

We rode with the Porters to the adoption office to finalize our adoption of Emma.  We completed some paperwork, had a photo taken for our adoption certificate, had a very official ceremony promising to care for Emma for her lifetime and sealed the documents with a red thumbprint from Brian, me and Emma.

We returned to our hotel and spent a little time resting and playing in our room until we walked to dinner at the neighboring mall.  We tried the Hong Kong restaurant - after feeding the boys chicken nuggets from McDonalds. Emma was super excited to see noodles for dinner.  And once again the McGinnis boys were total celebrities. Every server in the restaurant was young and I think each of them came to our table to take photos with the boys.  They were very nice to us and very helpful trying to help us order dishes that weren't too spicy!  Brian ordered sweet and sour pork and I ordered a chicken and rice dish. When the very fresh chicken arrived (so fresh I could still see where the feathers had been plucked from the skin), I decided to just eat rice and share Brian's dish. If you know me, simple boneless skinless chicken breasts is my speed!

We made a quick stop at the Dairy Queen for the boys and returned to the hotel to prepare for bed.  Emma has a few skin issues - so we decided to treat her for scabies since we had the medication with us.  Her skin already looks better.


On Wednesday, we will visit the orphanage.

Gotcha Day (Monday, April 14, 2014)

This morning we had breakfast in the fantastic dining room at Le Meridien where we finally met the Porters (Lifeline's other adopting family in ChongQing this week).  We returned to the room to prepare for our 2pm Gotcha appointment and to collect paperwork to meet Michael and complete prior to leaving for our appointment.

It really was a surreal morning. We sat in the lobby of this amazingly modern hotel right in the middle of the unofficial largest city in the world, and we signed documents that would serve as the final pieces to making Emma officially our daughter.

When we completed the papers, we walked to Walmart with Michael - what a culture shock. It was so similar and so very different to any Walmart I've ever seen.

Then we returned to our hotel room to finish preparing to meet Emma - paperwork, passports, gifts for orphanage officials, a bag of special items for Emma.  Then we met the Porters and our guide in the lobby.  And we were off to the adoption offices to meet Emma.

We drove across town to arrive at a very beautiful business park area.  

We rode elevators to the 14th floor and exited into a dimly lit reception/waiting area. In just a moment, the orphanage officials entered with the children.  And there she was - our tiny little girl dressed in yellow with a sweet face and the cutest piggy tails I've ever seen.

There was nothing all that official that went on - they just handed her to us.  She was not too sure, but she came to me.  She never really cried and never tried to go back to the nannies.  She was sweet and calm and finally in my arms.

We stayed in the reception area for a while so our guide could translate between the nannies and each family. They reported that she's a good sleeper (8pm-7am nightly and a 2 hour nap from 11:30am-1:30pm).  They also said she has a calm personality.

Now we're McGinnis Party of Five!

We left as quickly as we'd arrived. And just like that - Emma was with us!  

We drove back to the hotel, brought Emma to our room, played, gave her a bath and changed her clothes. 

We went to dinner at the neighboring mall, and she enjoyed Papa John's pizza, breadsticks and seasoned waffle fries along with some apple juice.  Baby girl can eat!!

We returned to the room, changed into pjs for bed and Emma was quite upset.  We shuffled sleeping arrangements and she slept with me (and when I say with me, I mean on me).  She went to sleep a little after 9pm and slept well until about 2 or 3am when she needed her milk since she'd refused milk prior to bed.  She slept well until about 6:30am. I think she was fairly hungry and we have no idea what her typical routine really is - so she was not too happy us!

Adoption Day is tomorrow!