6 months since Gotcha Day - April 14, 2014
6 years old - Aidan celebrates his 6th birthday - October 14, 2008
9 years old - Ian celebrates his 9th birthday - October 21, 2005
6 months home - April 26, 2014
McGinnis Party of Five - official first family photo shoot
1 year anniversary of Emma's Referral - October 4, 2013
It's been 365 days since we saw our daughter's face for the very first time. She was a stranger, but she was so familiar. I knew the instant I saw her sweet face that she was the daughter who would complete our family. We spent the next few days reviewing her referral file, staring at her photo and discussing any medical concerns with an international adoption pediatrician. She was our daughter. She was perfect. She was our little secret.
In that moment we turned from anxious and waiting to glowing and expecting.
Unfortunately, the feeling of triumphant joy melted quickly back to anxious waiting. We've made it no secret that our adoption journey until that point had been a struggle - nearly 18 months into the process with an agency that we did not trust completely and we'd never even seen a child's file. Through a series of God-ordained events, we found our way to a new agency. After an internet search of waiting children files posted on their website, an innocent inquiry of a posted child and a kind response from this new agency, Brian and I knew we were being led directly to the new agency - a breath of fresh air, a warm embrace, willing to accept us and ready to match us to our child. We did everything by the book with the new agency - completed their application, waited for their approval, shared the struggle we'd endured to arrive at this place 18 months in with no hope of a match, received approval, had a phone interview on Tuesday and on Friday, October 4, we received the phone call we'd longed to receive for so many months. They had a file to review - a referral! By Tuesday morning, I'd made the call that we'd like to submit our letter of intent. It was a little tricky now as we were logged in under the original agency. I acquired the form letter for our old agency to sign and submit to China to release our dossier for transfer to a new agency. And then I made the call to request this transfer from the old agency to the new agency - this is the point in the story that the "struggle" of time waiting previously seemed like a cute little cupcake compared to what was about to happen. To say the old agency was rude would be an understatement. They'd "need to decide IF they could allow" us to transfer to another agency to match with our daughter. For nearly two weeks, we experienced horrible treatment from the old agency as they played god with our family's life - unreturned phone calls, lack of responsiveness to emails and the time sensitive nature of our request and blatant refusals to speak to us directly about our situation all the while maintaining that they had the right to refuse our transfer request. Finally on October 17, 2013 (the 15th anniversary of the day Brian proposed to me), we took part in a conference call between the two adoption agencies. Our request had been granted to transfer from the old agency to the new agency.
Here we are one year later - October 17, 2014
Fast-forward about 4 weeks until the week prior to Thanksgiving - and our file transfer in China was finally complete - almost two months since we'd seen our sweet girl's face for the first time. Our process to Emma really began at that point - with a new log in date with China and a pre-approval to adopt Emma. We really made up some ground at this point - officially being linked to Emma in late November and traveling to China in early April - practically unheard of in the adoption community unless a medical expedite is involved.
Celebrating Emma's referral anniversary will always be stained by the memories of what a struggle those weeks following were for our family. What should have been weeks filled with joy and paperwork (you can never forget the paperwork) turned into weeks of anxious waiting, tears, sickness, discussions of seeking legal counsel and delays.
Remembering those weeks helps me to appreciate even more the blessing that Emma is to our family. I had a Calculus teacher in high school who often said, "Nothing difficult is ever easy." There's so much truth in that sarcastic, southern man's advice - if it's worth having, it's certainly worth struggling to achieve. Our struggle was real. We don't have one regret - Emma was our daughter a year ago - we knew it - we fought for her - and we'd do it all over again to know the joy of our completed family!
6 months since Gotcha Day - April 14, 2014 & 6 months home - April 26, 2014
What an amazing day! I will never forgot how she felt in my arms that first moment - how she just fit, her tiny little frame timidly resting in my arms. She was so small and unsure, but she was curious. And she could eat - she ate anything we offered her. She was instantly attached to me, interested in the boys and only ok with Brian if he had food and helped her with her shoes and socks.
When someone asks how things are going, my general response is "She eats well. She sleeps great. And she likes us." I usually get a laugh at the "she likes us" part. But it's true. I'm not going to lie - I've read a blog post (or twenty) about how the newly adopted child is not well attached and does not seem to like the family. I'm so thankful that she eats well, sleeps well and seems to like us! ;)
She's still Mommy's girl (you should hear her say "Mommy's girl" - so cute), but now she's Daddy's girl, Ian's girl and Aidan's girl too. The first things she asks in the morning - after asking for a "hairbow matches" of course - are "Ian school?", "Aidan school?", and "Daddy work?"
She's a chatterbox - she knows so many words and the correct use of the words. I'm completely amazed at how well she interacts with us and she's only be in an English speaking family for 6 months. Her receptive language is amazing - there are not many words I say to her that I think she does not understand. And her vocabulary has been growing exponentially since July - around 2 months home. My personal favorites are "appletoss" for applesauce, "opotus" for octopus and "Tinkertail" for Tinkerbell. Two year olds are absolute sponges when it comes to learning new things - since she was just 26 months old when we arrived home, she's been absorbing everything!
She ate like a champ when we first arrived home. She'd eat anything we placed in front of her. She'd clean her plate every time. As the months have passed, she's learned to be more selective about what she eats. You know your adopted child's food insecurities have nearly disappeared when she's comfortable enough now to actually refuse food. If she doesn't want it or doesn't like it, she won't eat it (much like her brothers) - she feels comfortable enough with us now that she KNOWS that we will feed her something else if she's hungry. What progress for such a little girl! She trusts us.
She sleeps like a baby - and I mean it - she sleeps about as many hours as a small baby would sleep each day. She sleeps around 12 hours each night and then naps around 3-4 hours each afternoon. I've only been up with her during the night once since our Gotcha Day - she's a terrific sleeper!
And she's grown! During our first pediatric visit in May, she was 22.5 lbs and was 32.75 inches tall. Just last week, Emma weighed 25 lbs and was 35.5 inches tall. Almost 3 inches gained in height and about 2.5 lbs in the 6 months we've been home. She's still a tiny little thing - she's less than 10th percentile on the growth charts - and she's perhaps the skinniest, leanest baby I've ever had. But she fits right in - the other McGinnis children are certainly not giants these days - Aidan's around 12th percentile and Ian's around 25 percentile.
Attachment is such an important topic in the international adoption community. One of my greatest concerns about adopting Emma was if she would and how quickly she'd attach and bond with us. My concerns are minimal at this point in our life. She knows we are her people. If she needs something, she comes to me or Brian to meet her need.
As much as we were the poster family for all the problems that can happen during an international adoption process, we could be the poster family for an ideal transition post adoption. I'll take that trade off ANY DAY. Please don't misunderstand - McGinnis Party of Five is not a picture perfect, sunshine and roses family. Some days we are a hot mess - like lock-us-in-the-house, close-the-blinds, put-a-fork-in-us-because-we-are-done HOT MESS. But most days we have our act together. And please, for the love of all things good and holy, don't ring the doorbell or call a phone that could potentially ring in Emma's general area - the tiny child will try to scale my body. And don't honk your train horn or drive your noisy car near my house, and please talk to the birds outside my breakfast room and tell them to stop chirping because they FREAK Emma out! And if you visit my home - pretty much any day at any time - you will likely find a goldfish massacre on my breakfast room floor - or it could be cereals that have the unfortunate luck of not being the magically delicious marshmallows in the bowl - or a spoonful of grits or yogurt that somehow missed her mouth, didn't touch her bib, fell through the leg hole of her high chair and landed with an enormous splat on the floor. When I say she tosses food and I clean the floor about 12 times a day, I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.
6 years old - Aidan celebrates his 6th birthday - October 14, 2008
Our little boy is 6! He is kind, amazingly funny, fiercely independent, gentle with his sister, has eyelashes most women could only hope to have, still has the cutest little peanut face and loves Favorite Monkey more than humanly possible. He'll always be our baby boy - he's growing too quickly! He's a terrific big brother - there might have been some small jealousy issues when we were first home - I can't rightly say, but we might have heard once or twice, "I wish we'd never gone to China for a baby sister." I'm certainly glad we've only heard that a couple times - and that's far outweighed by the countless times he wants to kiss her goodnight or be the first in her room in the morning or following naptime. He's done really well transitioning to his role as big brother after he was the baby for 5.5 years! Aidan is in Kindergarten, doing very well and was voted Student of the Month for Responsibility.
9 years old - Ian celebrates his 9th birthday - October 21, 2005
Our first baby is 9! He is a sweet friend, tenderhearted, still loves to snuggle (even though he's nearly as tall as his mommy), has the cutest chunky cheeks, absolutely understands sarcasm and loves Emma more than I could have imagined. I remember his birth day like it was yesterday - it's difficult to believe he's growing up right before our eyes. Ian is in 3rd grade, loves soccer and scored the tournament winning penalty kick.
Halloween 2014
We had some of the cutest Kung Fu guys and an adorable Chinese princess for Halloween this year. Emma didn't really know what to make of the whole deal - dressing up, trick or treating - but she knew what to do with some candy. She's definitely Brian's daughter when it comes to chocolate and candy!
Here are our before and after photos:
Adoption Awareness Month - November
We participated in Orphan Sunday at our church earlier this month. We spoke briefly about how adoption has changed our family and our biggest struggles and rewards. We celebrate that Emma is an orphan no more - she's a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend - her beginning as an orphan will not define her life.
We were asked to respond to these questions:
What difference has adoption made in your family?
- We've experienced typical changes and transitions of adding a child to our family. Immediately we knew we needed a larger car and quickly realized we are outnumbered! Of course, fast-forwarding straight to a 2 year old means I clean the floor multiple times a day because baby girl likes to throw food.
- We've gained an appreciation for Emma's country of origin - the language, culture and heritage.
- Our family now has a much larger world view - our boys would never have had the opportunity to personally understand the plight of so many orphans worldwide had we not adopted internationally and visited Emma's orphanage. Ian and Aidan don't just see the world as their school and home in Belmont and their church in Gastonia - they've looked into the faces of orphans and understand better the privileges they have been afforded.
- Adoption completed our family and changed Emma's world along with our entire family.
What has been the biggest challenge and reward?
- Challenge - The process and the waiting have been our greatest challenge. We endured two years of paperwork, waiting and ultimately switching adoption agencies - most families we know have had a 12-15 month process from starting their process until traveling. Our struggle was real - it was an emotionally painful process filled with many unknowns. We were "paper pregnant" (as the adoption community refers to the process of preparing your paperwork and waiting until travel) for 97 weeks!
- Reward - But our reward was great - and she calls us mommy and daddy. For as much as Emma needed a family - a warm embrace from mommy, a piggyback ride from daddy, a safe home, a lifetime of love and security - we needed to follow this path to meet the child God created to complete our family.
Anything else someone considering adoption should know?
- There's not one right reason to adopt - each family's past experiences bring them to the point in their lives where they feel called to add to their family through adoption:
- infertility
- foster care
- starting again because you still have love to share
- fulfilling a mission to change the world of a child
- The end result is the most important - a child finding the love of a family.
- You might be fearful of
- where the money will come from
- how this will change your family dynamic
- there will be a "difference" - if you adopt internationally, there will be questions, disapproving stares, unsolicited comments
- You only need the courage to follow your heart - God will make a way - He'll make room in your heart, room in your home and He'll prepare a child and their family for each other. If you have a love like that, you'll have a love worth crossing oceans.
Thanksgiving 2014
On this weekend of celebrating our first Thanksgiving as McGinnis Party of Five, I couldn't be more thankful for how adoption has changed our family. Emma completes our family in a way I never realized we were incomplete. She knows we're her people - we love her unconditionally, whole-heartedly, protectively - she is ours and we are hers.
And because she's MY child - she's has the cutest Thanksgiving outfit her mommy made - turkey pants and a matching turkey shirt!
As Christmas approaches, we are excited to see what this season holds for Emma's first Christmas with our family - with HER family! She's already been wearing her seasonal attire! And she's FINALLY learning to smile for a photo!!
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